Psychology of Behavior

Earlier today I published an article in Personal Branding Magazine about that cadre of millions of Americans born between 1980 and 1993, known as the Millennial Generation. These more than 80 million citizens have been derided by many as coddled from birth, impatient for excitement, arrogant with confidence and full of a sense of entitlement. As usual, generalizations have led to a lack of understanding of the nuances of a diverse group. But even if we were to make broad statements about these 15 – 28 year olds (which I will do here), acknowledging the fallacy of over generalizing, these pervasive critiques seem to be a little off the mark.

There is no doubt the Millennials were beneficiaries of relatively strong economic times during there childhoods and parents took extra care to shield their kids from hardship. But lets not forget this generation has seen some of the most visible examples of terror and human unity during the 21st century. As impressionable children and teenagers they saw on the television the bombing of the Oklahoma Federal Building in 1993, genocide in Kosovo and Africa and of course the events of 9/11. They also were shaped by the hope and optimism that the fall of the Berlin Wall and the end of the Cold War represented.

Together, these events have left Millennials as driven to ensure atrocity does not happen at the individual or community wide level. They are also idealistic and

In the end, Millennials want to build and tell a unique narrative story that shows how they are changing the world for the better.

In my article, “Story Time for the Millennials,” I compare this generation with others by saying

The Greatest Generation sat down near the radio to hear fireside chat stories from FDR. The Baby Boomers heard their collective angst played back to them by the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, the Doors and the like. This generation, the Millennials, do not want to hear a story told to them; they want to tell their own story – each and every one of them.

To read the entire article please go to the following link, download the issue and turn to page 19.

http://personalbrandingsample.com/

And please be kind to Millennials, they don’t mean any harm, they just want to be heard.

It is no surprise to me that a break out musical hit this year is called “Apologizes.” OneRepublic made the subject of this power ballad a verb that most Americans do not fully understand. And yet I suspect most of us want to hear more apologies. Unfortunately, due to deep seeded psychological behavior like confirmation bias, the trend to search for evidence that validates a preconceived belief or opinion and to look over evidence that contradicts that belief or opinion, we often choose stubborn retrenchment over a simple and mutually beneficial apology.

Let me pose some hypothetical situations to help us test whether an apology is generally a sign of weakness or a responsible reaction to new facts or conclusions.

• What if Bill Clinton just apologized to the American people for having an extramarital affair instead of starting a semantic debate about the definition of “is”? I believe Slick Willy would have saved a lot of flack from late night comedians if he had just owned up to his mistakes and declared he would devote the rest of his presidency to helping Americans deal with addictions of all sorts - drugs, alcohol, sex, fatty foods, shopping, oil, etc.
• What if Roger Clemens just apologized for using steroids? (I recognize he has not been prosecuted yet for steroids, but take this leap of faith with me). He could have become part of a new movement to clean up sports. Instead we are bogging ourselves down in scandal after scandal - including his wife admitting to taking steroids for a Sports Illustrated shoot.
• What if I apologized to my sister when I was 10 and rolled out a rubber ball in her running path, causing her to need stitches, instead of vigorously blaming her for running in the house? Well, sis, I am sorry. And you have always been smarter than me (despite my five years on you), so maybe this accident gave you accelerated brain activity.

Most of us believe we need to be right, otherwise we are dumb and gullible. I wholeheartedly disagree. A sincere apology can go a long way in showing others our capacity to swallow our pride and do what is right.

The classic tale of romance, Love Story, tells us that love is never having to say you are sorry. Oh contrare, love is having the courage to admit mistakes and say you are sorry.

I won’t apologize for this point of view that recognizes our fallibility and emphasizes the power of forgiveness. But if you prove me wrong, I will apologize.

I have tried my best to refrain from starting a discussion here on the Democratic primary since my views are not fair and balanced. For upfront and full disclosure I campaigned for Barack Obama in New Hampshire and am still trying to get my hands on an Obamaca for temple. However, recent events have illuminated a pertinent consideration for our personal brands. What role does politics play in the shaping of our identity? Put aside voting patterns for a second and think about whether demographics have a strong influence on our behavior.

Based on the social networking and technology trends of the last decade I do not believe we can any longer effectively measure behavior by slicing and dicing groups into red states and blue states, into white, black, Latino, and Asian, and into rural and urban. The one exception that has slipped through to the “era of the individual” is age. A recent New York Times article, ” “, suggested the only reliable voting blocs in this election have been age groups. All other groups including class, race, sex and region have defied significant patterns. I will take this as a “I told you so moment.” My post last week on the Age of Age explained how age is the most significant signal of behavior and values.

Remember two years ago when Time Magazine named “You” as the Person of the Year. This was the beginning of a wide recognition that Generation Y and the Millenials want to be viewed as individuals and not put into categories of people. While we want to be part of communities, we don’t want to be defined by them. So keep up the good work adding pictures to Facebook, letting us know where you are on Twitter, and developing your thoughts on Wordpress or Blogspot. And continue buying clothes that are fashionable in your world, listening to music that says something about you, and of course trying to change to the world in a way only you can.

Politics is recognition of an ideology, not an identity.

I celebrated a good friend’s birthday yesterday and on my subway ride home I started thinking about how age affects our behavior and consequently our personal story. Most people say age brings more experience and wisdom. However, I believe age affects us in a more complex and subtle way.

Today’s society tends to value what Zen Buddhists call the “beginner’s mind.” It implies fresh insight unfettered by experience. With this in mind, I contend age means less now than a couple of decades ago. In today’s world most people are drawn to innovation, creativity and passion. None of these characteristics inherently grow with age.

In a seminal book on age and leadership, Geeks and Geezers, author Warren Bennis suggests age does strongly influence our values; more so than any other attribute including birthplace, race, ethnicity or religion. After interviewing 43 leaders of varying ages, Bennis concludes our deepest and most strongly held beliefs tend to correlate with what generation we come from. He defines anyone under 35 as a geek and anyone over 70 as a geezer.

Bennis suggests “geeks have bigger and more ambitious goals than geezers did at the same age; they aspire to ‘change the world’ and ‘make history’, whereas geezers were concerned with ‘making a living.’”

While I agree with Bennis that our core values are highly dependent on the generation we grew up in, I do not believe age is a significant indicator of compatibility between two people, success of an individual or even a signal of experience and wisdom.

The age of age as a standard for experience and wisdom is over. The most widely lauded and valued characteristics in society today - including innovation, creativity and passion - are age indiscriminate.

So happy birthday dear friend. I am sure you are glad to hear I believe getting older brings you nothing. Except sometimes you get a free drink at a bar.