Posts Tagged ‘Love’

It is no surprise to me that a break out musical hit this year is called “Apologizes.” OneRepublic made the subject of this power ballad a verb that most Americans do not fully understand. And yet I suspect most of us want to hear more apologies. Unfortunately, due to deep seeded psychological behavior like confirmation bias, the trend to search for evidence that validates a preconceived belief or opinion and to look over evidence that contradicts that belief or opinion, we often choose stubborn retrenchment over a simple and mutually beneficial apology.

Let me pose some hypothetical situations to help us test whether an apology is generally a sign of weakness or a responsible reaction to new facts or conclusions.

• What if Bill Clinton just apologized to the American people for having an extramarital affair instead of starting a semantic debate about the definition of “is”? I believe Slick Willy would have saved a lot of flack from late night comedians if he had just owned up to his mistakes and declared he would devote the rest of his presidency to helping Americans deal with addictions of all sorts - drugs, alcohol, sex, fatty foods, shopping, oil, etc.
• What if Roger Clemens just apologized for using steroids? (I recognize he has not been prosecuted yet for steroids, but take this leap of faith with me). He could have become part of a new movement to clean up sports. Instead we are bogging ourselves down in scandal after scandal - including his wife admitting to taking steroids for a Sports Illustrated shoot.
• What if I apologized to my sister when I was 10 and rolled out a rubber ball in her running path, causing her to need stitches, instead of vigorously blaming her for running in the house? Well, sis, I am sorry. And you have always been smarter than me (despite my five years on you), so maybe this accident gave you accelerated brain activity.

Most of us believe we need to be right, otherwise we are dumb and gullible. I wholeheartedly disagree. A sincere apology can go a long way in showing others our capacity to swallow our pride and do what is right.

The classic tale of romance, Love Story, tells us that love is never having to say you are sorry. Oh contrare, love is having the courage to admit mistakes and say you are sorry.

I won’t apologize for this point of view that recognizes our fallibility and emphasizes the power of forgiveness. But if you prove me wrong, I will apologize.